i am indignant. flurries of disdain, wretched baths of discomfort. windows with deep colored drapings painting colored shadows onto white washed walls. after weeping, joyous, bittersweet tears over a love once lost, comfort, or lack thereof? taming billowed sheets like uneasy clouds in April, wonders among wonders seek disguised serenity. what prize has yet to be attained? a lover? a friend? selfish thoughts spewed out into the world like pale yellow pollen, into the minds of the strays, evermore. let them be safe, clinging on to planks adrift a sea of bustling crusaders. let them be safe.
after nights of restlessness & sleeping fits, i have come to terms with what needs to be done. i cannot further myself until i become stable.
despite the simplicity of things i still cower uncontrollably. where is the goddess confidence that is embedded into each layer of my soul? this is all irresistible, i crave every aspect, but what has me at a halt. infallibility is destructive.
everything is so undeniably beautiful, gleaming & beckoning to me, when i go i fall short again. whispers entrance me, my eyes follow & dance in harmony with them in a unhealthy circus-like manner. it is all so unhealthy, really.
i am tired of loving. so, so tired.
it puzzles me how much things can change in the matter of months, weeks, days.